ItalianoGACKT Official Blog update. Translation below:
After my meeting ended, I went into the car.
If I don’t get back to Tokyo by night, I won’t make it in time for my next meeting.
In the car,
lots of thoughts were running around in my head.
“18 years huh… That’s fast”
When I received news of his passing,
it was actually after his funeral had ended.
In 1999,
I was completely cut off from the members of MALICE MIZER,
and it wasn’t surprising that news of his passing wouldn’t be immediately relayed to me.
When I got the news,
I was recording VANILLA in the studio.
After that,
I couldn’t stay put even if I wanted to,
and despite that I had no idea where his parents’ home or the location of his grave was at,
I simply went straight into the car early in the morning and drove towards Ibaraki.
Thinking about it now,
it was a really reckless and unreasonable thing to do but
when I got to Ibaraki, I flew towards strangers’ homes
and pressed on their interphones and asked… pressed and asked… over and over,
and when it was starting to get dark, I thought that I might meet someone who knows him,
and then arrived near the school.
While doing this and that, I arrived nearby,
and I met someone who knew him who brought me to his parents’ home.
When I saw his parents’ faces at the entrance of their home,
I cleary remember that I couldn’t say a word,
and tears suddenly wouldn’t stop flowing.
His parents welcomed me into their home with smiles and I spoke with them until late at night,
and every year since then,
I would go and visit on his birthday and death anniversary,
and after praying, I would update him on what’s going on with me.
“I’ll soon be involved in this drama”
“This time I’ve holding a live here”
“I started living overseas”
Now, when the front door opens, they’ll ask
“Welcome back, you’ve travelled far haven’t you?”
and it feels as if I’m being welcomed home by family.
It’s been 18 years since then.
It’s of course but, when I look around the room,
only my works increase with each year but
his pictures never increase.
I know that it’s weird of me to keep talking to his unchanging face in those pictures.
I still can’t help but feel like he’d suddenly just appear before me.
While having dinner with his father, he suddenly said
“I’m already 80 too”
When I was about to leave, the two of them spoke together
asking me to take things a little slower, and hugged me with smiles.
They have always been concerned about my health.
I wonder what is it that I wanted to write about…
Maybe it’s because of what happened to Mao-san, that in these few days
things about “bidding farewell to people” kept running around in my head endlessly.
In the end,
no matter how much I think about it, what I can do now
is to never forget about those people
and
to properly live in a way where I can proudly say
“I did my best today too”.
Maybe I’m tired…
I’ll do my best.
No matter how tough things get, if I can smile like this,
I have to be thankful that I’m alive.
A variety of things can happen.
That’s life.
Lots of painful and tough times happen.
But,
we’re alive.
A day like this
is an irreplaceable future for he who passed early.
That’s why we have to laugh.
So much that it makes them envious.
And,
one day, when we get to meet them again,
we will boast to them,
“It was an amazingly fun life!”.
Alright then,
here I go today again.
Ossha~!!
Source: GACKT Blog
Translation: GACKT ITALIA Team
Translation © GACKT ITALIA
I miss Kami also.